How to Bounce Back from Disappointment

I am a drum major of my school's marching band. It has been my dream since I was a freshman. At the end of my sophomore year, I tried out to be the drum major. I was astonished to find out that I made it, along with two of my other friends! This past season was the first time our school has ever had three drum majors. The position was everything I dreamed it would be and more! I absolutely fell in love with it and tried my hardest every day. It changed my perspective on life-- so much so that I wanted to be drum major in college and become a band director. I felt like I was good at it and I had a firey passion for music, band, and my peers' success. I decided to try out again at the end of this year. I was overjoyed to discover that I made it again. I was so proud to have accomplished my dream once again. There was no better way for me personally to finish high school: living, eating, and breathing my dream. My senior year was supposed to my year; the year that I can shine; the year that I would not let anyone take advantage of me; the year that I could be head/competition drum major. This idea was euphoric and I wanted it so bad. It was within reach; I could see my fingertips grazing on the surface.

Until it wasn't. Sometimes dreams don't work out the way you want them to. What I worked so hard for and craved so intensely, I didn't receive. One of my other drum major colleagues got it instead of me. I was not going to be the head and my dreams were not going to come true. I found out the morning after. I was completely crushed. It was the biggest let down of my life thus far. Anyone who has had something like this happen to them knows the sorrow and regret that accompanies having the most important and substantial aspirations, goals, and dreams crumble into dust. For a couple days, it is like you have been swallowed by a black hole of despair. The next stage I experienced was disbelief and numbness. Accompanying that was attributing blame. I distinctly remember laying in my bed and asking God why. Asking Him what I did to deserve this. I thought back to every little mistake I made throughout the previous season, then to my whole high school career. I analyzed every single action, word, and attitude. I examined my confidence levels and my outward appearance, anything that could make me insuperior to the one who got it instead of me. Next was anger. I didn't lash out, but I let the anger consume me, rumbling deep within my chest. I took it out on myself. Eventually, I talked to my band director, asking him what I could do better so I could be drum major in college. I was hurt when he said "Keep doing what you're doing." But what I'm doing now isn't good enough; I didn't get it. I'm still working on rebuilding my confidence and pride, and my ego is bruised. The decision hasn't gone public yet-- only the head, his close friends and family, me, and my close friends and family know. I'm still working on me.

However, in order to successfully bounce back from disappointment, you have to feel all the feels (that's such a weird sentence! Lol). The five stages of grief are: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. There is no set time that should be spent in each stage-- it all depends on the individual. The denial stage is characterized by disbelief. In this phase, it is common to question yourself, those around you, and God. Next is anger. In the anger phase, the tendency is to attribute blame. Remember not to be too hard on yourself, but also don't push your friends away or inaccurately blame others for your misfortune. In the bargaining phase, it is common to offer trades or make promises. "If I can only have this, I will trade this" or "I promise I won't do this anymore if I can just have this back." Unfortunately, God works on His plan on His own time, so chances are if you lost it, God has a plan for you and your future. After the bargaining phase is the depression phase. Once it becomes clear that the event really happened and that it won't be reversed, sadness ensues. This is typically the longest phase, especially with losses of friends, family, or pets. When in this stage, remember that it will get better and that it is not your fault. The last phase is acceptance. With acceptance comes closure and you can finally move on.

The most important thing is to go at your own pace! Rushing through the process or wallowing in a certain stage could inhibit or negatively affect your healing. On the bright side, with every little letdown, you're building your resilience. You'll get through this! Good luck and feel better my lovelies!

Kisses,

Isabelle 😘❤️

Love

Picture this: a young couple, approximately fourteen, holding hands. All of a sudden, the boy turns abruptly to the girl, looks into her eyes and proclaims his feelings. He says it. The three words and eight letters that hold so much meaning and emotion. That make any relationship real, legit, serious. "I love you."

If you are like the majority of modern society, the first thought that pops in your head is "They're too young" or "They don't understand what they're saying." Society's first instinct is to shame, chastise, and criticize. We live in a world that is very opinionated and bold, especially about others. We assume prematurely and are quick to judge others while turning a blind eye to our own flaws. We are hypocrites. Personally, I am tired of it. I am fed up, and it all starts with society's perception of love.

First of all, why do we allow others to influence our relationship choices? I watch as so many of my friends dissect the pros and cons of dating someone. While thinking through the decision is important and sometimes friends can see what you fail to, letting your friends decide who you can and cannot date will only end in fights, resentment, and heartbreak. It is just a bad idea in general.

Next, we perceive love as one simple thing, but it is not. That is a common misconception. Love is so many things, yet one thing; it is so complex, yet fundamental. Love is such a broad topic and it simply cannot be molded or forced into one general, universal definition. With that being said, love is so different. It is unique to everyone. No one loves the same way. What is love to me may not be love to you. In addition, love is different at different stages in life. Right now at 16, my idea of love is drastically different from what it will be when I am 25. I cannot stress this enough: love is not just one thing. It is so complex and circumstantial that it just can't be forced into a concise, accurate definition.

The fourteen year old couple mentioned above could very well be in love. But that is not for us to decide. Love is unique to the individual and should not be collectively defined. In fact, we should just mind our own business. Who cares if they're in love? Who cares if they aren't? It's their life and their relationship. Not ours.

Kisses,

Isabelle :)

P.S. Sorry for not posting recently! It's a crazy time of year as school is coming to a close, but finally all of my standardized testing is over. In fact, I took my last AP Exam this morning! So I should be more present now. Again, sorry! Have a great day!

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