New Life

Hey all! I know it has been a while and I'm sorry about that. Life has just been so busy! 🐝

 I am very excited. For those of you who don't know, I GRADUATED HIGH SCHOOL!! On May 22nd. 👩🏼‍🎓👩🏼‍🎓 I am so excited to go to college. The idea of exploration and new experiences fills me with a childlike glee. I am looking forward to discovering new things I enjoy and see who I really am. I wonder what is in store for me. What kind of friends will I make? What kinda clubs will I join? Who will I be and how will I have changed by this time next year? There are so many different possibilities.

I will admit that I'm also worried. What will it be like living on my own? Will there be anyone to help me if something happens or I get into trouble? I worry about money a lot too. I'm not sure if I'll be able to pay for everything. Will I be able to succeed financially without mommy and daddy's checkbook? I hope that everything will work out. Will my relationship work out? Even though it is long distance? Will I be lonely? I'll have almost no friends at college next year. Am I strong enough to start completely over? I hope so.

Overall, despite the anxiety, I am mostly looking forward with anticipation. I do love new beginnings and though I struggle with change, a fresh start is just what I need. I'm ready. The next level band (I am a member of the Million Dollar Band!!), the next level education, and the next level growth.

Eek! I'm so so soooo excited!!

Kisses,

Isabelle xoxo

P.S. Roll Tide!! 🐘❤️

Pros and Cons of Being in a Relationship

Hello my loyal readers!! Sorry for the short hiatus. I've been pretty stressed and anxious lately so I needed to take a short break. Anyways, I've been in a relationship for over a year now and I've been thinking about this a lot. What are the benefits of a relationship? Is being single better than being in a healthy relationship? That is up to you to decide. But here is my pros and cons list.

Pros:

• Being loved by someone other than your family.
• Small physical touches are the best.
• You automatically have a social life.
• You're never really alone.
• You have someone trustworthy to talk to.
• You have higher self esteem.
• You have more confidence.
• You don't have to worry about finding dates for events.
• Cuddling... need I say more?
• His presence makes me happier than I've been in a long time.
• I smile and laugh a lot.
• You always have someone to sit with at lunch.
• Hugs when you are sad is the most comforting thing.
• You have fun just laying around and talking all day.
• You always have something new to learn about each other.
• Companionship.
• Friendship.
• There is always someone to talk to.
• You can do cute coupley things.
• Couple pictures that you can post on Instagram. 
• Travel buddy!
• He won't judge me.
• He can keep my secrets.
• I can tell him anything.
• I will have happy memories for the rest of my life.
• I can learn from my mistakes and apply them to future relationships.
• I can learn my likes and dislikes in a partner.
• Stress levels are lower, generally. 
• Consistency.
• You always have someone to hang out with.

Cons:

• Paranoia. Or maybe that is just me.
• Potential for heartbreak. Very scary.
• You have to shave. Like every day.
• You actually have to take risks. 
• Hard work is required to make a relationship work.
• You have to look presentable. All the time.
• Expensiveeeeeeeeeee!!!! Gifts, dates, money money money! 
• Trust issues.
• Emotional baggage from previous relationships.
• Worrying about not living up to their standards. 
• You can't get everything you need from one person.
• Arguments and fights. :(
• One person always cares more and there is an uneven balance.
• They may not like your friends.
• Messy breakups.
• Hurt feelings.
• Crying at home, in your car, at school, etc. :')
• You spend more time with him than your friends and so you and your friends drift apart.
• People love different ways: some cling and some love from afar.
• Communication is hard.
• You never know when things can turn sour.
• If you care too much, you lose him, but if you care too little, you lose him. 
• Finding the proper balance is really hard.
• It is easy to get annoyed with each other because you spend so much time with each other.
• You are always vulnerable.
• You will leave a part of you with him after the relationship ends.
• It takes a lot of time.

Relationships are hard for me. I'm so anxious and I worry a lot. I have trust issues and am paranoid. I'm constantly afraid of being the one who cares the most because that makes me extremely vulnerable. I'm scared of heartbreak and I don't want it to happen to me. I know it is inevitable, however. I've also heard that being cheated on is inevitable. Not looking forward to that either. And it certainly doesn't help my anxiety. However, relationships have its positives. Studies show that your stress levels are lower when you're in a serious/long-term relationship. You have someone you can count on. In conclusion, whether being single is better or being in a relationship is better all depends on perception. You have to decide what is best for you. Do the pros outweigh the cons? Or vice versa? This has really helped me sort out my thoughts and I hope it helped you as well. So which do you prefer? Let me know in the comments! :) Have a pleasant evening, my darlings. Thanks for listening (or reading or whatever :P)!

Kisses,

Isabelle 👩‍❤️‍👩👨‍❤️‍👨💑

De-stress

Hey guys! Sorry it's been so long! School started and life has been really busy. But guess what? I'm finally a senior!! I've officially started the countdown to my graduation. There are 250 days until I am considered a college student. Isn't that exciting? As you can imagine, I'm absolutely flooded with things to do. I've scheduled tours to my top schools, been starting on essays, starting applications, and searching for scholarships. I think I've written more essays in the past month than I have my whole life! Some of the classes I am taking this year are challenging as well: AP Calculus BC and AP Music Theory to name a few. In addition to all that, I have started working on my scholarship auditions for college music programs. It's a lot of challenging music and my first deadline is looming just over the horizon. The stickler: I'm doing all this while still participating in marching band as the Drum Major, as a member of tweleve clubs, attending martial arts classes, and maintaining a part-time job.

All of this work and pressure is really getting to me sometimes. It is overwhelming and results in an occasional panic attack or mental breakdown. It isn't easy to do everything at once, especially when you're a perfectionist and intrinsically motivated like me. I want to excel at everything, I don't allow myself to slack off, and under NO circumstances is a B acceptable. The only problem is that I'm completely stressed out 24/7.  I get stress migraines (on top of genetic ones which really sucks), a short temper and patience, occasional panic attacks, and never. ending. worrying. and. stressing. Honestly, it's awful and I hate it. It's so hard to manage myself and control my emotions and get enough sleep. This, of course, only makes it worse. Unfortunately, school and college are necessary evils to reach my optimal potential.

To combat this helpless feeling of crushing stress, I do several things:

1.) I binge eat my favorite snacks. I know I shouldn't, but sometimes eating a whole chocolate bar or a big bowl of ice cream with peanut butter melted on top just makes the pain go away. Let's face it: your favorite junk food always makes the sun shine a little brighter and makes everything seem more manageable.

2.) Aromatherapy baths. MMMMMM YESSSS!! Or bath bombs. And bubbles. There is something about sitting in a rainbow, good smelling, warm bath and being engulfed in mountains of bubbles. Something so juvenile and child-like about it that just makes you forget for a little while. Especially when you are listening to soft classical music while taking a nap, reading a good book, or singing along to your favorite songs. I seriously recommend this one.

3.) Going to the gym. Probably my least favorite because I don't like pain lol. But this is my go to if I'm angry.

4.) Another one of my favorites, but probably the most expensive, is driving. I like to drive on back roads with my music playing loudly and all the windows opened. Very satisfying.

There are several ways to distress, but these are some of my favorites. Have a great day! Happy Fall, y'all! XD

Kisses,

Isabelle ;)

P.S. Please check out the poll! :)

After High School

College. Very scary. Very intimidating. There are so many different choices perfect for any criteria. Want a nursing school? There is one. A college specific to aerospace engineering? There is one for that too. For goodness sakes, there is even one for if you want to be a character in Disney World! There is a college out there for everyone. So why is it so hard to chose one? Heck, I can't even chose four or five to seriously consider! I thought I knew, but I didn't.

And when did my options start to dwindle down? When I was kid, my parents and my teachers constantly told me that I could do anything I wanted, go anywhere I wanted when I grow up. When did that start changing? Why, when I say that I want to be a music major, do people all attack me with phrases like, "You'll never be successful" "You'll never have a high paycheck" "You'll have no job security." Yes, I have considered it! I'm not going to change my mind. I love what I do and I want to do it for the rest of my life. I'm so tired of people criticizing my passions by telling me to grow up and choose something more practical. It's my life, not yours and gosh darn it, I am going to enjoy it.

When did the idea of going anywhere for college dissipate? All of a sudden, people are trying to encourage me to stay in state. In fact, my parents are practically making me. What if I don't want to go to an instate college? Money can be issue, I get that. But, I have a high enough ACT score to get decent scholarships and plenty of opportunities to raise that score. I'm also applying for several separate scholarships in addition to that. Plus, I'm already planning on getting a job! Money is not an issue. Another reason they want me to stay in state is because of travel time. They don't want to travel long hours to watch my marching band performances or concerts or anything else. They also want me to be able to visit them. They'll miss me. I understand that. I really do. In fact, I'd love for them to watch me, but I also want to go to the best undergrad school I can for music. That school is not instate. Music is a very competitive field, with lots of people vying for minimum spots. I need that leg up for graduate school.  My parents also say that some schools I am considering aren't good enough for me. "Their accepting ACT score is way too low" "People only go there when they can't go anywhere else." Yes, I completely understand that. They want me to be successful and challenged. Very plausible. But if it's a good school for music, why shouldn't I at least consider it?

My parents have good intentions. They just want what's best for me. They want me to go to college cheap for my bachelor's to save all my money for graduate school. They want to see my band performances and support me. They want me to succeed and go to a good instate school that will challenge me! I appreciate all their time and research and help and advice. I just don't want my options limited. I want to be free to go wherever I want that is good for music and that I can get money for. I want the freedom to be an adult and make adult decisions for MY future and MY success. I don't want someone else to make those decisions for me.