Colder Weather

It's that time of year again... the winter. It's my least favorite time of year. There are some good things about it, like holidays, school breaks, and Christmas music, but overall winter is filled with freezing temperatures, illness, snow, finals, excessive spending, and not to mention FREEZING TEMPERATURES. I find it really uncomfortable and unpleasant-- sorry Northerners.

Whenever the temperature drops below 45 degrees, the southerner inside of me recoils. Stepping outside and travelling by foot or bike for a mile to get to class in the morning is physically painful, especially when it's raining. I also despise the illness. Everyone is coughing, sniffling, and sneezing and I want to enclose myself in a giant germ-free bubble. While snow is cool and all, the only benefits of snow are aesthetic enjoyment, temporary joy and, let's be real, getting out of school. Snow is cold, wet, and produces ice, which is a hazard to all drivers and us uncoordinated folks who can barely walk even when it's dry. In addition, finals are stressful and determine my entire GPA... not fun! I'm also broke and can't really afford to shop and spend a lot of money, especially with student bills and car insurance.

Around this time of year, I always think of the song Colder Weather by the Zac Brown Band. I find the lyrics haunting and relatable. As my sister would say, it gets me in my feels. The song fully encompasses my emotions during the holiday season. For some reason, when the cold comes, my depression comes with it. The holidays are a very sad time for me and I'm not sure why. Society tells us the holidays are something to anticipate all year long. I feel like it is all overhyped. Maybe the sadness is the result of disappointment from high expectations. As we grow older, Christmas and the other holidays we may celebrate slowly lose their magic.

I guess I just have winter time blues. This is the reason I despise winter the most. I don't understand the appeal of winter besides the holidays. Plus, it's COLD, and the cold is the worst!!

Happy Holidays and Good luck on your finals!!

Kisses,

Isabelle xo

P.S. Winter sucks :P

College

Hey friends! Long time no update, sorry about that!

I went off to college this fall. My first semester has gone decently well, I think. My classes aren't too hard, but it's weird how much more work I have to do. There are so many things I have to get done! Finals week is rapidly approaching and all of my classes are busy.

It's also incredibly hard to believe how fast this semester has gone by. It is already November! The marching season is rapidly coming to a close-- I only have two more home games left (including today's game). The Million Dollar Band is so much fun! I've really enjoyed my experience. I'm so glad that I decided to do college marching band.

Sorry for the short update, I'll be able to write more over Christmas break. I just wanted to let y'all know how everything was going. Feel free to leave comments about your experience below. :)

Kisses,

Isabelle xo

P.S. Vote in the new poll!

Late Night Thoughts

Have you ever noticed the serenity and peacefulness that is only possible early in the morning? This will sound SO cheesy, but there is something strangely magical about it. One of my favorite memories is last summer. I was at Peridio Key Beach. I distinctly remember waking up at 2:30 due to a tiny thunderstorm. I remember sitting on the balcony at 3am as the wind roared and lightening flashed in the distance. The air smelled like rain and salt and it was comfortably cool. Just over the horizon, waves thundered under the bright blue moon. I remember sitting under the stunning array of stars-- there were millions! It was truly breathtaking! The best by far, though, was the quiet. The world was asleep. Never before have I experienced such stillness. These days, there is always something going on. The air is constantly charged with energy. I've never known anything else until that night. Ever since then, I have been seeking that perfection. It made me realize that I've never really relaxed before. That night made me release a breathe I didn't even know I was holding. When the storm broke and it started to rain it was sensory overload. The soft sprinkle of rain combined with the tumbling thunder and the roaring ocean gave me goosebumps. The distant, vast ocean under the sparkling stars and glowing moon made me shiver with wonder. I could taste the freshness of the rain and I felt the tickling breeze. On a night like that, I couldn't help but feel so small. Compared to the endless ocean and the limitless sky, I was nothing. I believe in God, though I'm not that religious, but I couldn't help but feel His presence that night. I was immersed in nature-- His creation-- and I was in awe. The pensive atmosphere really put my life in perspective. My problems really aren't that big or important. Compared with bigger issues like world hunger, deforestation, and black holes, worrying about things like amount of likes and how big my collection of dresses is seems trivial and asinine. This realization may appear depressing, but I thought it was refreshing. I liked how the emptiness of the noise of civilization challenged my brain with philosophical questions and ideas. I liked how I could finally relax and not worry about a single thing. I liked how I was in my own peaceful bubble, untouchable by worldly troubles. The thing I liked the most though, was being one with nature. Appreciating it for its beauty and sharing its restorative energy.

Ever since that night, I have been pursuing that careless bliss, but I have yet to experience anything close. I hope one day I can feel that way again. I crave it, ache for it-- a real break from trivial, transient, small-minded problems. I want to connect with nature, be absorbed by its flawlessness. Maybe one day. Until then, you'll see me outside on my porch at 2, 3, 4am, chasing peace.

Kisses,

Isabelle 🌊

New Life

Hey all! I know it has been a while and I'm sorry about that. Life has just been so busy! 🐝

 I am very excited. For those of you who don't know, I GRADUATED HIGH SCHOOL!! On May 22nd. 👩🏼‍🎓👩🏼‍🎓 I am so excited to go to college. The idea of exploration and new experiences fills me with a childlike glee. I am looking forward to discovering new things I enjoy and see who I really am. I wonder what is in store for me. What kind of friends will I make? What kinda clubs will I join? Who will I be and how will I have changed by this time next year? There are so many different possibilities.

I will admit that I'm also worried. What will it be like living on my own? Will there be anyone to help me if something happens or I get into trouble? I worry about money a lot too. I'm not sure if I'll be able to pay for everything. Will I be able to succeed financially without mommy and daddy's checkbook? I hope that everything will work out. Will my relationship work out? Even though it is long distance? Will I be lonely? I'll have almost no friends at college next year. Am I strong enough to start completely over? I hope so.

Overall, despite the anxiety, I am mostly looking forward with anticipation. I do love new beginnings and though I struggle with change, a fresh start is just what I need. I'm ready. The next level band (I am a member of the Million Dollar Band!!), the next level education, and the next level growth.

Eek! I'm so so soooo excited!!

Kisses,

Isabelle xoxo

P.S. Roll Tide!! 🐘❤️

Yoga

So after years of looking in at yoga classes, I finally decided to try one yesterday. Oh my goodness, I am sore! While I am uncomfortable today, I am looking forward to seeing results on my body as I continue attending this class. Unlike most exercise classes I've taken, I really enjoyed this one. Spinning is hell on earth, kickboxing is exhausting, and step classes are monotonous. But yoga! It was fun. The class I took had a lot of variety, it wasn't the same thing for an hour straight. It was nice.

The class had three components: cardio/aerobics, strength, and balance. They were broken up in circuits. There were two cycles of all three components. The class was a different kind of challenging. Yoga targets your whole body. Since my core is pretty weak, I felt the most impact on my middle back and abs. However, there were quite a few moments that I had to stop and take a break because my legs were burning! In addition, yoga uses your own body weight to strengthen you. There is this one pose (I forgot the name) where you hover just above the ground in push up position. I found that pretty difficult because I have like no upper body strength. The best part about this class, though, was that depending on your skill and strength level, the difficulty can vary. For example, beginners or people who aren't as strong can alter the poses a little bit so they aren't as strenuous. Unfortunately, there aren't any modifications for the balance poses. Personally, I believe that I lack the natural equilibrium that most humans are gifted with, so I found this portion especially challenging. However, if you aren't clumsy and can walk in a straight line on flat ground without tripping, you should be alright.

I think my favorite part of the class, though, was the end. The class ended with meditation and relaxation. We laid down, the lights were turned off, and we just focused on the silence and our heartbeats and breathing. I left the gym that morning feeling better than I had in a long time. I worked hard and I felt strong, but most importantly I was happy. I felt successful, calm, stress free, and ready to take on the day. I am looking forward to going to more classes and I think you should consider trying it too! Have a great day!!

Kisses,

Isabelle 💆🏼💪🏼🙏🏻

Pros and Cons of Being in a Relationship

Hello my loyal readers!! Sorry for the short hiatus. I've been pretty stressed and anxious lately so I needed to take a short break. Anyways, I've been in a relationship for over a year now and I've been thinking about this a lot. What are the benefits of a relationship? Is being single better than being in a healthy relationship? That is up to you to decide. But here is my pros and cons list.

Pros:

• Being loved by someone other than your family.
• Small physical touches are the best.
• You automatically have a social life.
• You're never really alone.
• You have someone trustworthy to talk to.
• You have higher self esteem.
• You have more confidence.
• You don't have to worry about finding dates for events.
• Cuddling... need I say more?
• His presence makes me happier than I've been in a long time.
• I smile and laugh a lot.
• You always have someone to sit with at lunch.
• Hugs when you are sad is the most comforting thing.
• You have fun just laying around and talking all day.
• You always have something new to learn about each other.
• Companionship.
• Friendship.
• There is always someone to talk to.
• You can do cute coupley things.
• Couple pictures that you can post on Instagram. 
• Travel buddy!
• He won't judge me.
• He can keep my secrets.
• I can tell him anything.
• I will have happy memories for the rest of my life.
• I can learn from my mistakes and apply them to future relationships.
• I can learn my likes and dislikes in a partner.
• Stress levels are lower, generally. 
• Consistency.
• You always have someone to hang out with.

Cons:

• Paranoia. Or maybe that is just me.
• Potential for heartbreak. Very scary.
• You have to shave. Like every day.
• You actually have to take risks. 
• Hard work is required to make a relationship work.
• You have to look presentable. All the time.
• Expensiveeeeeeeeeee!!!! Gifts, dates, money money money! 
• Trust issues.
• Emotional baggage from previous relationships.
• Worrying about not living up to their standards. 
• You can't get everything you need from one person.
• Arguments and fights. :(
• One person always cares more and there is an uneven balance.
• They may not like your friends.
• Messy breakups.
• Hurt feelings.
• Crying at home, in your car, at school, etc. :')
• You spend more time with him than your friends and so you and your friends drift apart.
• People love different ways: some cling and some love from afar.
• Communication is hard.
• You never know when things can turn sour.
• If you care too much, you lose him, but if you care too little, you lose him. 
• Finding the proper balance is really hard.
• It is easy to get annoyed with each other because you spend so much time with each other.
• You are always vulnerable.
• You will leave a part of you with him after the relationship ends.
• It takes a lot of time.

Relationships are hard for me. I'm so anxious and I worry a lot. I have trust issues and am paranoid. I'm constantly afraid of being the one who cares the most because that makes me extremely vulnerable. I'm scared of heartbreak and I don't want it to happen to me. I know it is inevitable, however. I've also heard that being cheated on is inevitable. Not looking forward to that either. And it certainly doesn't help my anxiety. However, relationships have its positives. Studies show that your stress levels are lower when you're in a serious/long-term relationship. You have someone you can count on. In conclusion, whether being single is better or being in a relationship is better all depends on perception. You have to decide what is best for you. Do the pros outweigh the cons? Or vice versa? This has really helped me sort out my thoughts and I hope it helped you as well. So which do you prefer? Let me know in the comments! :) Have a pleasant evening, my darlings. Thanks for listening (or reading or whatever :P)!

Kisses,

Isabelle 👩‍❤️‍👩👨‍❤️‍👨💑

De-stress

Hey guys! Sorry it's been so long! School started and life has been really busy. But guess what? I'm finally a senior!! I've officially started the countdown to my graduation. There are 250 days until I am considered a college student. Isn't that exciting? As you can imagine, I'm absolutely flooded with things to do. I've scheduled tours to my top schools, been starting on essays, starting applications, and searching for scholarships. I think I've written more essays in the past month than I have my whole life! Some of the classes I am taking this year are challenging as well: AP Calculus BC and AP Music Theory to name a few. In addition to all that, I have started working on my scholarship auditions for college music programs. It's a lot of challenging music and my first deadline is looming just over the horizon. The stickler: I'm doing all this while still participating in marching band as the Drum Major, as a member of tweleve clubs, attending martial arts classes, and maintaining a part-time job.

All of this work and pressure is really getting to me sometimes. It is overwhelming and results in an occasional panic attack or mental breakdown. It isn't easy to do everything at once, especially when you're a perfectionist and intrinsically motivated like me. I want to excel at everything, I don't allow myself to slack off, and under NO circumstances is a B acceptable. The only problem is that I'm completely stressed out 24/7.  I get stress migraines (on top of genetic ones which really sucks), a short temper and patience, occasional panic attacks, and never. ending. worrying. and. stressing. Honestly, it's awful and I hate it. It's so hard to manage myself and control my emotions and get enough sleep. This, of course, only makes it worse. Unfortunately, school and college are necessary evils to reach my optimal potential.

To combat this helpless feeling of crushing stress, I do several things:

1.) I binge eat my favorite snacks. I know I shouldn't, but sometimes eating a whole chocolate bar or a big bowl of ice cream with peanut butter melted on top just makes the pain go away. Let's face it: your favorite junk food always makes the sun shine a little brighter and makes everything seem more manageable.

2.) Aromatherapy baths. MMMMMM YESSSS!! Or bath bombs. And bubbles. There is something about sitting in a rainbow, good smelling, warm bath and being engulfed in mountains of bubbles. Something so juvenile and child-like about it that just makes you forget for a little while. Especially when you are listening to soft classical music while taking a nap, reading a good book, or singing along to your favorite songs. I seriously recommend this one.

3.) Going to the gym. Probably my least favorite because I don't like pain lol. But this is my go to if I'm angry.

4.) Another one of my favorites, but probably the most expensive, is driving. I like to drive on back roads with my music playing loudly and all the windows opened. Very satisfying.

There are several ways to distress, but these are some of my favorites. Have a great day! Happy Fall, y'all! XD

Kisses,

Isabelle ;)

P.S. Please check out the poll! :)